Auto Gigolo Answers Reader’s Questions About Sex, Signals, Texting

QUESTIONS QUESTIONS ANSWERS ANSWERS

I love me some reader questions, especially from car people as they help educate me. I’m not even sure the sun’s going to come up tomorrow – I’m not gonna claim divine knowledge about idler jets, tappet heads and knurled pistons. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong, let it fly, just don’t be a DB.

To whit, here are some recent questions posed via email, and my answers.

WHAT’S THE BEST CAR TO HAVE SEX IN?  – Dave, Atlanta

DAVE! What’s up, guy.

I don’t do sex in cars.

The first and last whip I got busy in was my Dad’s Hornet, and for about three weeks afterward there was an indentation in my lower back from a hex bolt sticking up out of the rear bed. “What do you mean, your back?” you might say. Exactly what I said, yo. The lady was in charge and, good soldier I am, I assumed the position as directed, and there you have it. “Isn’t this naughty and ain’t we the devils” turned into, “It’s cold, we’re in a parking lot in a junkyard, this is a hot idea in theory but it ain’t makin’ my camshaft twirl at warp speed, I can smell Dad’s cigars, eww, this is a cheapshit car,” and the list goes on.

Maybe if it had been like the movies, with bodices and quick cuts and music, might have gone better.

I liken sex in cars to being required to play a gig in the closet. I need room to spread out, move, groove, dance, twist and shout, twitch, give my all.

That said, the Rolls-Royce Ghost has lots of room and sweet shag floor carpeting.

JM Good Rolls (800x531)

WHY DOESN’T ANYONE DO ANYTHING ABOUT ALL THE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WHO TEXT AND DRIVE? – LeTitia, Queens

Someone is doing something about it, and you’ll see devices which disable people’s ability to text and drive brought to market in the next year. Whether or not state or fed makes it mandatory remains to be seen. The devices may not bring the deaths and maimings and billions of dollars in insurance claims brought down to zero, but it will make a dent difference.

Then we can again focus on people reading, shaving, arguing, sleeping and all those other things they do while driving that make the highway a more dangerous place than it needs to be. Which is to say we won’t do anything at all because our society’s entire approach to the safe handling of automobiles is reactive, not preventative. (Air bags, seat belts, stability control systems, ding-dongs and bong bongs.)

Texts

 

WHY DOES MY TURN SIGNAL SHUT ITSELF OFF WHEN I TURN THE WHEEL EVEN A LITTLE BIT? I HATE HAVING TO PUT IT BACK ON WHEN I’M CONCENTRATING ON MAKING A SHARP TURN AT A LIGHT, OR HAVING TO HOLD THE STALK DOWN SO IT WON’T AUTOMATICALLY SHUT OFF. FAIL!!!!!!!   F.P. NJ

What’s up, FP? That particular mechanism came about in order to prevent people from driving, driving, driving, la, la, la with their turn signal on for miles and miles, flummoxing everyone behind them or in front of them.

The mechanism assumes everyone, without help, would leave their turn signals on ad nauseum, with resulting chaos and mayhem. It doesn’t understand there are some of us who can be called “conscious drivers” who, at all times, monitor their machine, its mirrors, its speed, what’s going on around the car, what the next move is, what they’ll do if that guy up ahead who seems to be swerving suddenly drifts into ya’ll’s lane, escape routes, full-steam-ahead routes, and such.

We pay, like we do with speed limits, for the inept, the infirm, the oblivious.

Hey, at least we don’t have to remove shoes, take off belts, empty pockets, pull all laptops out of sidebags, and get a patdown in order to get the ok to drive.

Thanks for reading, keep the questions a’comin’, ask ’em at my FB page, Josh Max The Car Guy.

BEEP! 🙂

Josh Max, Auto Gigolo

JM Miata

 

 

 

 

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